own personal hell

when the moon rests
behind the hills
and things begin to undo themselves
givin you chills
you better hide
you better close you eyes and pray
before a warm bed
and clean walls
now a lonely wasteland
filled with hunger and distant calls
when you realize
your body is dematerializing
and thousands of arms
come to tear you body apart
and your cries seems
to be one ordinary desire for help
among the millions
that come from the river
of lost souls begging for forgiveness
you better hide, you better pray
when you see the emptyness
inside of you being replaced
by pain, suffering and guilt
hopeless are the prayers
hopeless are your hideouts
this is your own personal hell
you can't run
you can't deny

rest in peace

it's weird how people deal with death...
and how even being so different
they all warm each other
some make jokes about it
others cry and dive in their sorrow
others remain calm and still
like a surviving wall
from the destoyed castle
and it's weird how you thought
you did all you could
but it's not really the way it is...
so many regrets...
I keep watching this movie
of sins and wrong awnsers
and I can't stop blaming myself...
it's funny how things become so clear
when they end
and I feel like I can really understand
all...
and it tortures me even more
to know her pain
and to see that I did nothing...
well I'll pay for this later
but right now I got people
to help get through this
and the least I can do is
hope that you are up there
smiling like the child you always were
"hope you go out smiling, like a child, in the cool remnant of a dream"
just like morrison said.

insomnia

wonder what is it
that makes the night
such a inhospitable time
nothing seems to fit
nothing brings delight
maybe it's the memories
that comes with the cold breeze
maybe it's the truth
lighted by the moon
or maybe the will to freeze
that moment long ago
could it be the stars ?
millions of bright doors
invinting you to break on through
but none seems to be what you want
maybe it's too dark to fly
to scary for a reply
can't think of any welcome
olny harsh goodbyes
maybe it's my insomnia
that makes me see through
those illusions
of a mad stifled fool

morning

one day you awoke
the cold winter breeze
drags itself though the curtain
leaving a thin ray
of gray dayligh
slip into your eyes
it hurts and spins
your head...
you get up staring the wall
but the trembling wall calls your atention
more than the headache
or is it your mind ?
you wonder until...
tum tum tum !
they knock the door
who is it ?
you ask
uhsuahsuahsahsuahsu
AUHSAUSHAUSHAUSHAUSH
IIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
they awnser...
surprised and scared
you slowly walk back
eyes wide open
there's no way you'll blink
but you hit the desk
and the sound stops
you sudenly hear
the sound of nails scratching the floor
of light hasty steps
soft murmurs comes closer and closer
like curious mad insolent children
with insidious intentions
GET OUT !!!!
you scream
...
no awnser but the echoes
of your insanity
an acute sound increases in time
like a buzzer, a warning
while all go round
and you turn around
there's no ground
beneath there's only shadows
it doesn't matter what you do
they'll haunt you
like an old hound
carved with pain
 AND...
like a waning moon showing itself
from the hiding clouds
a big smile reveals irony
beautifull dawn isn't it ?
this mirror of lamentations
that would send back
the gloom of stubborness
and the door of acceptance
that leads to the sea of years
that will eternally keep it's tide

songs of valhalla

the wind came like a curious infant child
like a ferocious mad creature
in the wild
the water squirming like a toad
shouting in the shattered stones
of white gold
so they fall
a billion drops of tears
fight for the space in my sight
aganist millions stars
that would fall before my eyes
like feathers fall from high
ferocious snakes
of enourmous hatred
would crawl across the sky
a blink of day
in the middle of the night
the lion roars aloud
hunger consumes the pharao
and the guarding sphinx
comes to hunt the cloud
deep
deep
green are their eyes
deep
deep
hunger brings demise
the thunder continues and the storm
withind it's mind
calms along with the winds
own vengeance
of cold blood
split over absence

...

four corners in the room
five doors to spare you
from your doom
left, right, up, down and ahead
there's no coming back
why don't you look to the cornes instead
dark, cold, silent and loud
wich one you'll choose ?
they'll always haunt
they write, they shout
they whisper aloud
they smile, they cry
they cover themselves
with their arms around
sit and move
forward, reverse
forward, reverse
forward, reverse
never stop laughing
haven't you heard
screams, of infant agony
pain of the most mature sanity
you let your window open
and they won't let you out
where're the chains ?
hear this chain sound ?
I've been walking this corridor
for days and what have I found ?
this door... it's opening !
...

four corners in the room
five doors to spare you
from your doom
left, right, up, down and ahead
there's no coming back
why don't you look to the cornes instead
dark, cold, silent and loud
wich one you'll choose ?

drowsiness

coming home
from a tiring day
watching as people come
and go with dismay
wonder what it is
wonder why this
they look down
always away from the light
and as I bow
to say hello
I realize it's not the people
it's me
my eyes, my mind
how can I see happiness
when all is dark ?
I must be blind
shadow figures
with greedy  smiles
from every lonely corner
the wind shouts madness
DIE FORGET LIVE FALL DON'T LEAVE END TAKE GOD DEAD I AM KILL RUN YOU
the specters speak
all at the same time
no order no prime
HEWHAYTDOIYOKUNOWWHWATNTHEWADON"T!NOTNEALWAVEYRSNO
they scream
some have wide opened eyes
curious and angry
watching
watching
watching
watching
GET OUT !!!
run and run
there's no way out
ops...
there is...how...
stars of diamind
rushing like silent thunder
flowers of fire blosson in the dark
a tunnel of no end
an eternal fly
where will I be ?
when will I stop
will I see you once more ?
will I be able to live again ?
is it a simple sore ?
this deadly pain
may it be a pressure ?
I'm too high...above all
and I don't know
if I'm dead or just dreaming

happy birthday

you probably don't read my blog but even though I wanted to thank the father of the four winds to have brought this beautifull petal into my garden...a small taste and yet so good, so small and yet the most pretty of all things I know. this petal of silver with carved stones of blue and purple... I just can't stop dreaming about you, that flower, the one that makes me laugh when nobody else can, the one that can make me feel confortable and crazy at the same time, the one that gave me a path to follow... a dangerous one but even in the dark and cold there are warm and sunny places, I will just illusionary see my whole life. You may not realize you've done all of this but even though... thanks for not leaving this garden of blood...thanks for making it a little more pretty.

I said I would send a poem to your facebook but all the poems I wrote for you...hm..how can I say it..they were inappropriate so I decided not to do so and here it is only a text that says all...for you...the maiden of the moon, ophelia dressed in silk hiding your name of victory

birds of pray

wonder what goes
through this sky of yours
little birds sing aloud
but what do they sing ?
what echoes through the trees ?
do the roses of my garden reach
the calm and soft wind
of your winter ?
the blosson of mountains
separete two of the same
once a clean and godly fountain
now old and forgoten
the fairy is a legend
of truth lied for good
as death is not only the end
but the beginin of a continuous
flap of silver wings
pushing you through the emptiness
that is eternity

silver night

dreams of linen
comes sewing the night
faithless is he
who won't make things right
who don't know what to do
what is what
what he can fight for
and as I sit here
writing this poem
with candle light
wondering about the path
with tears
runnin through my eyes
I realize how pitiful this is
how terrified I am
It's weird
when life slips through
leaving no memories
leaving no bite
as if you weren't there
as if there was no time
like a spectre
the immortal man
standing there
watching friends die